Sexpositive and Nudist, can that even be a thing?
It’s something that has come up multiple times for Lynn and I. We live in an online world and feel the struggle to promote sexpositivity and nudism. But honestly, it’s the sexpositivity that seems to be more accepting of the idea of nudism than nudism is to the idea of sexpositivity.
For starters, Nudism is on its great crusader mission to take back the holy land of nudity from the prudish world of Agrarian Patriarchy that has been supported through regimes and religions throughout the ages. As we gain enlightenment away from the traditional conforms of social structure and traditional practices of religion, the act of practicing naturism has had a place to start growing in the world. Social media and the seemingly ease of connectivity of niche interest groups like nudism has really allowed these communities to grow.
What has also grown is access to sexual things! SEX, one of the dirtiest of all the words of the church…I mean nudist community. I get it- porn is abundant in so many forms and in so many places, and we pure nudists want to reach a larger, broader audience, to join us in our non-sexual nakedness. So like the church separating itself from the world to stand on its own righteous platform, nudists have also chosen this same method. A righteous platform to stand out differently from the world. Which, if you don’t have a Christian upbringing, “the world” is everyone that doesn’t believe and or practices like you believe. A derogatory name for “outsiders,” that creates a distinct line between them and us.
As a person who used to purposefully segregate their life from those who are going to heaven from those who are not going to heaven, I have the hardest of times being part of a community that also feels almost idealistically indistinguishable to the culture of the church that I had invested so much time working for and an even harder time leaving.
Look, I get it. There is a balance to all things life. The typical yin and yang, good and evil, safe and unsafe, sober and drunk, but why does it feel like nudism as a whole, doesn’t feel balanced? It’s my belief that this imbalance alone, in a world that is progressively getting more inclusive and understanding of people’s differences, that keeps nudism stuck in the past, along with the church.
Now, has anyone asked what are the reasons why there is so much separation? Because abstinence makes men safer to be around… right?!? I fucking said it. This idea of self control is just as much a power play of the church that has pervasively set its grips on controlling sexuality since the invention of male circumcision. In the words of Dan Savage, “if you can control their dicks you can make them do anything.” Because controlling their dicks through abstinence made men fight harder in war, made them better tools for the ruling classes, less distracted to do work, all the necessary things for a controlled population to cultivate fields, culture, and religion. Has this worked, no. Is it working. No. The side effects. Repressed human sexuality for humanity as a whole. Good job humanity.
I believe that the ultimate problem is not just trying to normalize nudity, but also sexuality
In the normalizing of sexuality through cultural education and the standards of consent, not only would we see safer communities for females, but also for our children. The problem isn’t getting people used to open sexuality or open nudity, the problem is getting people used to being good humans. Look there is no simple solution for this, but I can tell you what I believe doesn’t work- trying to separate sexuality from the human body. And yes there are broader definitions of sexuality here. I can say this, If we want people to feel safe in their skin, they also must feel safe in their sexuality. They also must not feel like they are going to be the unwanted object of sexuality. We are trying to teach people consent, even in nudism. When we are naked socially, we are given consent to be seen as naked, but what we aren’t giving consent is to be objectified and sexualized. How can we teach this simple fact without teaching consent about sexuality at the same time? I don’t believe it is possible. I think it’s foolish to try and separate it. You won’t have women feel safe at nudist resorts, you won’t have women feel safe at nude beaches. You won’t have women feel safe, if they don’t feel safe when they are clothed, how can we expect this to be this way if they are naked?
The major portion to all of this for me is the role of the man. As someone who has a wife and daughter, I see firsthand the evidence of the male culture having a profound effect on the female psyche. In society, culture, art, jobs, and media, a male dominant force exists where it doesn’t always feel safe to be anything other than a man. All of our measurements are written around and based off of this male force. Is it a wonder that our nudist places are mostly men, where men culturally have had the freedom to do as they please? Are we surprised that most social media forums for nudist are in fact 75% male? Unfortunately, until our male society learns to see all genders as equal, none of this will be possible. It’s also the reason why I believe that our sexuality in our American culture mostly comes from the male gaze, and mainly the white male gaze. Porn in the last 10 years has only just started to be directed by females, or even people of color.
So how do we promote positive sex-free nudity, and positive sexuality? By teaching the next generation and supplying that next generation with the knowledge and examples that all humans are created equal. That we all have the right to exist, love, express, and enjoy our lives to the fullest. We teach our boys how to love, how to have sex, how to be naked without shame, how to see naked without shame and how to exist and be validated by achieving and having success without destroying or owning others.
Yes, we are not perfect in how we display ourselves socially. Fault us for that. But what we aren’t afraid to do is show our genuine sexpositve, real world desire for each other. We don’t show ourselves as premanufactured sexual entertainment when we share our #sexpositive sides to our life, but real genuine consensual sexuality. We believe we are advocates for normalizing what it means to be loving natural humans. Humans have bodies. Fun bodies. Naked bodies. Strong bodies. Lovely bodies. Sexy bodies. Safe bodies. Cared for bodies. Loved bodies. All bodies.
Not all nudity is sexual, and not all sexuality is nude. Not all sex is porn and not all porn is sex. We should learn the differences and celebrate it all.
